So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
