Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
