Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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