You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
