It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
