I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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