five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His nipple licking is glorious
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