Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
