This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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