I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
