How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
