I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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