I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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