I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
