i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Buhtt sex?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
