So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
