My hand turned me down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
