U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
