I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
