in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
