Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
