wat bout pragnant strippers??
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
