While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
