please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
