the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
