Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
