I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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