There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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