I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
