your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
