i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
