What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
