I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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