You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
