Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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