Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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