just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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