I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
