every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
