even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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