Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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