don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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