I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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