also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
