Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
