Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
that may or may not have been my penis.
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