It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you bring me the toilet please
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
