Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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