Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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