I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
