Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
