Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish you could order shots online.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
