Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
