So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You made out with two different species that night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
