i would punch a child for taco bell
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
