There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
