I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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