Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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