Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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