Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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