I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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