yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
