Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
