he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
as a side note pls kill me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
