I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
