I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
