we have officially lost it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
