It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
