Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
