He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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