it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
